Transcript
Earlier this week, I started my morning with my usual browse through social media. One of my friends shared a Facebook post that I found very distressing. The poster ranted about being sick and tired of a bunch of things:
- COVID;
- Race issues;
- Politics;
- LBGTQ rights;
- The media;
- Bad language;
- And a bunch of other stuff.
When you're drowning, you don't say "I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me," you just scream. John Lennon
Musing on Crazy Rants
I mused about this all morning. Why had it disturbed me so much?
These are all challenging issues. It has been a crazy year of crisis and chaos. We are all sick and tired. So, I can go along with that part of the message. But there was something under it all that just felt bad to me.
Finally, it came to me. The post was a plea to return to the status quo and deny the realties we all face.
Answers to Difficult Questions about Crazy Rants
My first reaction was COVID, race issues, politics, and all the rest don’t care if you are sick and tired. They affect you, no matter how you feel about it. These things are real. We have to cope with them, one way or another.
Then another answer popped out at me. The underlying messaging in the post was grief. So, what does all of this have to do with grief?
Crazy Rants and Grief
At the risk of going all academic, remember there are five phases of grief:
- Denial;
- Anger;
- Depression;
- Bargaining; and
- Acceptance.
But it all starts with a loss. Traditionally, we think of the death of a loved one, but we all experience many losses in our lifetime and with each, we go through periods of grief. The intensity and duration varies, depending on the extent of the loss, but the process is consistent.
2020 – A Crazy Year of Loss
In 2020, we have experienced a ton of loss; sick friends and loved ones, crazy numbers of deaths, violence in the streets; let alone the loss of our basic freedom to gather, socialize, and travel without all these crazy new rules.
The poster was angry, a very normal reaction to loss. There were also some elements of denial and bargaining in the post, but surely, no sense of acceptance.
Crazy Anger and Grief
As a science nerd, I had reacted to the illogic of post. I thought, these things are real and my feelings won’t change any of it. I know that people who deny and rail against a crisis are often the first to be hurt, and in the process they may draw first-responders and care-givers into harm’s way. So, it can be a very dangerous.
But the post was also an honest expression of anger and depression about the crazy events of 2020. That’s real too. Arguing with folks doesn’t make the emotion any less real.
My Dilemma
So, now I face a dilemma. How do I accept the legitimate grief but not the path to even greater tragedy?
I don’t claim to be an expert on any of this, but it seems to me the first step is to listen patiently while folks vent their grief. I need to accept that the grief is real and hopefully find some common ground. We don’t all react to the crises and chaos of 2020 in the same way, but still, we are all in this together. Only be working together can we solve the problems 2020 exposed.
So what is the common ground? These things are real. COVID threatens all of us, race issues affect us all, political processes will guide our path forward, and angry venting is a normal human reaction to grief.
Eventually, we have to accept the loss and start moving forward. Together, we are working toward a new normal. We all have a stake in this. We need to help each other through the feelings of loss to make the new normal a better place than the old.
